At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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