There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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