Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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