I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
