Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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