I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize