i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
