And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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