You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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