This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
