When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He passed out mid-signature
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
