So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
