Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
