he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
