Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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