i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
