well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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