Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
