i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
