So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
