Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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