my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize