Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
