Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
