idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
