I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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