just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
