i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
