there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
