and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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