I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
