She is in my trunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
