Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
