did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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