I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
