I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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