Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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