i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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