I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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