Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
