I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
