happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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