high people should be assigned attendants
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
