So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
