I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
