Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
