..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this boner is exhausting
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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