i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize