But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
