I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize