is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
