Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
