When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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