woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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