The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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