Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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