seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
