My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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