A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
