okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
