i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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