A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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