Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
