I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
