sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
