Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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