My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
