I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i will never coherently bang her
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
