Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
