There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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