im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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