he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
