i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
