i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize