I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
