WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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