I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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