i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
