If i come over, it means nothing
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
