i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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