I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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