just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
