White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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