i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize