it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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