Can Purell be used as lube?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
