I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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