wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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