you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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