She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
