smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
