My Higher Power is John Stamos
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize