bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
zippers are such a cool invention
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
