I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
