i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
