her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
