When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
