I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
