Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
