My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
