Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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