there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
