We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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