There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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