1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
